A Christmas Wish
by Haruka Hiasobi
Summary: What do you wish for Christmas? A new car, the LotR dvd-box, books or maybe money? Youji has a rather unusual wish. Yx ?
1. So it begins

Merry X-mas and happy New year!  
  
HH here. Apparently the muses of Das Schicksal decided they wanted to take a longer vacation. They've sent me a card from the Alpes and told me they will be back in 2004.   
  
As a present, they did leave me notes about this new fic called 'A Christmas Carol' Look out for the Gluhen-ending spoiler.   
  
Btw.: Does anyone know who appeared before who? The ghost of the past, present and future? First past, then present and then future?   
  
Disclaimer: Don't own A Christmas Carol, don't own Weiß. I do wish someone could give me the Weiß boys as a X-mas present.   
  
A Christmas Carol  
  
-Prologue: So it begins-   
  
It was the day before Christmas. Yohji had woken up all alone. His almost ex-wife Asuka was away on family visit and he had decided to stay behind. Their marriage was now nothing but a piece of paper. She had kindly offered to bring him along, but he had also kindly declined. There was no use to be stuck with a bunch of people, who were technically still supposed to be family, until the divorce procedures came through. No use at all to know the stories of how uncle Taka met aunt Ayumi or how grandfather still remembered the days of WWII.   
  
  
  
As the cold snow settled on the pavement, the streets were quiet outside. The citizens of Tokyo were all inside their warm and cozy home, spending the precious time with their family.  
  
An old clock chimed, announcing the night of Christmas. His first Christmas since he woke up in a hospital without his memories, without his identity, without anything but a name.   
  
Looking out the window, Yohji wondered how he celebrated this American holiday last year. Just like now, alone in an apartment? Or amongst friends and families, whom he no longer remembers.   
  
'Youji'  
  
"Who's there?" He called. Secretly wondering if the strains of everyday life finally caught up with him or his forgotten past. A hallucination would be just about right.  
  
He shrugged and resumed to stare out the window. Probably the wind, he told himself. Yeah, that must be it.   
  
A cold hand touched his shoulder. "Youji-kun:" He turned abruptly, spilling some of the hot chocolate milk he prepared for himself as part of his Christmas diner. He scowled at the dark drops of liquid on his hand but stopped when he noticed the other occupant of his room. Like a bad horror movie, white shoes, yellow trousers, white t-shirt and finally a face materialized. A smiling face with blond hair and big blue eyes.  
  
"Hello Youji-kun." The face said and Youji screamed. 


	2. Why is this happening to me?

Thanks to CherubKatan for the correct appearances of the ghosts from 'A Christmas Carol'.My muses must have lost the memo on that one.   
  
I'm trying to (hopefully) write a somewhat different version of the original story, mainly because I only vaguely remember the original story. I'm just using the three ghosts for my story. No Spirit of Christmas here.   
  
I've also decided to dope the title into 'A Christmas Wish' instead.   
  
Don't worry, the story will take a dark turn soon enough.   
  
This story is dedicated to those of us who hated how Gluhen ended.   
  
A Christmas Wish  
  
-Chapter 1: Why is this happening to me?-  
  
This time the cup of hot chocolate milk did end up on the floor. Luckily, the floor is covered with an ugly yellow carpet. This gave me the right excuse to change the carpet.   
  
But back to the situation at hand. I blinked profusely and really hoped that the image or hallucination would disappear just as quickly as it appeared. No, quicker would nice.   
  
Alas, alas, no such thing happened. For a man who didn't or no longer believed in ghosts, it is hard to be confronted with proof of the exact opposite. However, there was no mistake that the being now residing my room, was not human. Humans were not supposed to be see-through, which was definitely the case here. Through the white T-shirt, I could still see the remnants of my Hawaiian pizza, the bottle of wine, the empty wine-glass and the still unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. I could even still see the outline of the pink chairs and the pink table Asuka adored so much.   
  
"Youji-kun." The ghost took a step closer and I backed away, knocking down an empty flower vase in my hasty retreat. I only spared a quick glance to the shattered vase.  
  
"Stop. Stop right there! You...you're just a fraction of my over-worked imagination. I want you to leave right now. I'll close my eyes and count to ten. And when I open my eyes again you'll be gone!" With my back against the wall and my eyes firmly closed, I started to count out loud.   
  
"One..."Of course I'm not mad, I've just had too much to drink. I told myself.  
  
"Two..." Wait, I only drank two glass of wine.   
  
"Three..." Maybe I forgot to close the door?   
  
"Four..." So he's just a very quiet thief. That must be it.   
  
"Five..." What kind of thief would be see-through?!   
  
"Six..." So he must be a ghost then.   
  
"Seven..." A ghost. Why the hell did this have to happen to me?!   
  
"Eight..."   
  
'Youji-kun, please!" The ghost interrupted.   
  
I opened my eyes and there he was. Or should I say it was? Still standing at the exact same spot, the ghost frowned at me. Wait, wait. He's...he's...  
  
"You're...pouting?!" I gasped.   
  
The ghost shrugged and smiled. "I'm just trying to avoid being out of character here."  
  
Out of character? But how would I know if he's out of character. I didn't know him, or did I? Dammit, this is one of the reasons I hate not having my memories. I always spot glimpses of faces, without knowing a name or anything else behind the face. In the middle of the night, I would sometimes find myself chasing after some stranger who would always mysteriously disappear.   
  
Feeling some of my initial shock starting to fade away, replaced by my familiar friend the numbness, the logical parts of my brains finally started to kick in.  
  
"So I knew you…when you were still alive?" I asked hesitantly.  
  
"Sure you did. Well, that's not exactly true. You knew the person whose appearance I'm currently borrowing and he's actually still alive. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past." The ghost announced, with a certain pride in his voice.  
  
"Well, good for you! Since I obviously no longer remember my past, maybe you could give me my past and then be on your merry way." I said, making sure the tone of annoyance was abundantly clear in my voice. If I couldn't wish him away, maybe I could annoy him away.   
  
"Dear, dear Youji-kun. Things don't exactly work that way. Also, you are not going to be rid of me so easily." The ghost laughed cheerfully at me.   
  
"Don't you know who I am?" A little disappointment could be heard in his voice. Great, I just disappointed a ghost. I sighed.   
  
"Sorry, I've got no idea. But I'm sure I'll find out, if you give me sometime."  
  
The ghost brightened with a huge smile on his face. The smile was the size of a 100 Watt light bulb.   
  
"Egh, tone it down a little. You're hurting my eyes."  
  
"Okay, here's the deal." The ghost started to explain. "I will be showing you some memories from your past. Remember everything you see. Make notes if you have to. You may ask questions and I may answer them, or not. I'm not your tour guide."   
  
"What are you going to do? Show me a movie, with footages from my past?" I frowned, not really liking things were going. I suspected that something I didn't like was about to happen.  
  
"No, silly Youji-kun. Where's the fun in that?" He smiled mysteriously.   
  
"Okay, since you're obviously going to stay around for a while. How should I call you? The Ghost of Christmas Past is a little long. Should I call you Ghosty? Pasty? Pasty-ghost?" I questioned.  
  
He pondered a while.   
  
I sighed and pulled out my personal smoking-kit. I desperately needed a smoke. Just when I was about to put a freshly-lit cigarette in my mouth, the ghost stole it. And he tsked at me.   
  
"No smoking. It's bad for your health. Besides, where we're going, you can't smoke." And then out of nowhere, a brown sack appeared in his hand. He scooped a handful of blue sand and threw it in my face. When I finally finished with the painful task of coughing and hacking my lungs out, I realized I was no longer in my small apartment.   
  
"And you can call me…Omi." 


	3. Glimpses into a past forgotten

Author's note: Many thanks to the reviews I received for this fic and for my other one shot story Like A Butterfly. I am delighted to find such deep, pretty and sophisticated reviews.  
  
A Christmas Wish  
  
-Chapter 3: Glimpses into a past forgotten-  
  
Standing in an alley, basking in the glows of the setting sun, I suddenly became aware of approaching footsteps. As the faint echoes of footsteps drew nearer, I could also distinguish the voice of a young woman. It sounded like she was pleading and yelling encouragement at her companion.  
  
  
  
I didn't feel the cold, but I knew that the weather that day was chilled by the wind. I knew that the summer months had long past and autumn had proved to be surprisingly cold that year.   
  
I could distinguish more words now. There was familiarity in the lovely feminine voice that told her partner to hang on.   
  
As they rounded the corner, I could finally see their faces. The woman was dressed in a semi-formal outfit. Her short blue hair was mostly hidden under a cap. The companion, who turned out to be a man, was in a similar outfit all done in black.   
  
He was leaning heavily on her. They walked into the alley and walked past me, without sparing me a single glance. The man had slumped against one of the dirty walls. His hat and the shadows covered his features, but I could hear his labored breathing.   
  
As I stepped closer, he suddenly looked up and I saw a familiar pair of green eyes. Golden locks of hair trailed down at cheek length, almost obscuring one green orb. A sheer veil of sweat covered his forehead and he looked like he was about to pass out at any given time.   
  
Why did he look so familiar? I wondered quietly.   
  
When I allowed my eyes to trail lower down his body, I noticed that the brown jacket had darker stains and something told me that the dark stains would be blood. Subconsciously my hands had touched my own body where the wounds had healed and left their permanent scars.  
  
  
  
So I was looking at a younger version of me, I concluded. The rest, however, still remained a mystery. Who was this woman? Why was I shot? Judging by the way the woman kept switching her attention between trying to slow some of the bloodflow and watching the main road, they must be running away from someone. Who were chasing after them?   
  
So many questions and so far no answers at all. A sense of dread filled me when I heard different sets of footsteps getting closer. The woman also heard them and this time I could hear what they were saying.  
  
"Come on, Yohji. They're coming. We need to go now. " She had a passionate voice, a voice that could show concern and haste just as well as any other emotion. In my lowest hours, she had taken me in and provided a roof over my head. In the darkest of nights she had whispered endearments in my ear and held me close. Yes, I knew this woman. She belonged to one of the missing puzzles of my life.   
  
"No…Asuka. You need to leave now." The younger me was pleading now with a pain-filled voice. So, Asuka was her name. Asuka? My Asuka, or just another look-alike who bore the same name as my ex-wife?   
  
However...I could see it now. The same high cheekbones, the soft lips, the beautiful and expressive eyes. Why did I not realize this before? But why didn't she tell me about my past? When I woke up at the hospital with no idea who I was, why did she pretend she didn't know me? During all those long hours we had talked about all the possible topics, why didn't she tell me? Why? Why? Why? It was the same maelstrom of questions that plagued me every single night upon my first awakening. The feelings of lost, sadness, annoyance, hurt and finally anger. She could have spared me all of those.   
  
"Please Asuka!" The younger me pleaded again. I had almost forgotten about the current situation. Yes, she should go. I wanted to agree. Without you she would move so much faster. She could go and get help.   
  
A mental image flashed through my mind and I gasped. It was an image of Asuka, her body jerking violently from the impact of the numerous bullets appearing out of nowhere. The shock so clearly evident in her dark blue eyes.  
  
"No! Don't go!" I cried out to her, but both of them still remained oblivious to my presence.   
  
Asuka had nodded and looked at my former self for the last time.   
  
She was running to her death before I could stop her. And as the bullets fell like the rain, I saw the younger me cry out. When my tears started to fall, everything seemed to lose its focus. As I cried, the world began to shift and my surroundings changed…  
  
I suddenly found myself in an underground laboratory. Through wires and tubes I saw glimpses of a naked woman on an operation table. Through endless wires and tubes her body was connected to heavy machines. Some I could recognize, such as the artificial heart and lung machines. Ones I had become agonizingly familiar with during my days in the hospital.   
  
A man in a doctor's outfit stood beside her, checking and adjusting things and making notes. When the light shone on his face, I felt rather disturbed by the maniacal grin on his face. What was he doing? Before I could wonder about more things, my surroundings changed again.   
  
This time it was the hospital. The younger me was lying on a hospital bed and a woman sat beside me. It was a lovely woman with glorious red tresses. She seemed to be speaking to me and I seemed to be ignoring her. My eyes were fixated on a spot in the ceiling.   
  
When a long silence followed, I had finally turned my attention to her.With a discouraged smile on my face, I had nodded my consent.   
  
For a moment there seemed to be a hint of sadness in her eyes. A second later, the professional mask clicked into place. A manila folder was given to the younger me and it would seal my fate. Only a single word was written on the cover: Balinese. I knew that later I would find out what a mess I had willingly stepped into. But by then, turning back had no longer been an option.   
  
When the familiar tilting and blurring of the world occurred this time, I was less surprised. 


	4. You couldn't tell me that earlier?

Author's note: Many thanks for the reviews! *bows again*   
  
To mangababe and other YxO fans: I hope you're not too disappointed when I tell you that it's not a YxO fic. ^^;; *watches masses of people walk away* ;_; Come back! I do hope you'll continue reading it though.   
  
There will be a first hint towards the true pairing. I'm personally not a big YxO fan, mainly because of the age difference.   
  
A Christmas Wish  
  
-Chapter 4: You couldn't tell me that earlier?-  
  
As the world came into focus once again, I realized I finally had the time to think for myself. The higher functions of the brain which prompted me to do more than just stand there like an idiot, gaping as things flash before me, finally kicked in. A rather unsettling storm of questions followed.  
  
Starting with... Turning back was no longer an option? Where the hell did that come from?   
  
Just exactly what sort of trouble did I sign myself up for? And what happened to Asuka? She was alive, wasn't she?   
  
"Welcome back, Youji-kun." A youthful voice interrupted the endless and utterly pointless wondering.   
  
It took me a total of two seconds to locate the source of the voice and I was rather surprised to see the ghost, smiling brightly as always. That's right. He was supposed to me my guide.   
  
"Where did you run off to? Did you fall into some sort of mysterious blackhole?" I frowned, trying to muster my best annoyed look.  
  
"I…well…you see…that part of the journey you had to take on your own. But I'm here now, aren't I?"   
  
He looked at me with those huge baby blues and I totally caved in. I shook my head and sighed. There was always a certain weakness in me that's hopelessly irresistible towards puppy eyes and other cute things. Since Omi qualified to both factors, he had me wound around his little finger in no time.   
  
As Omi took the way that would lead us to our next destination, I realized we were headed towards a small flower shop. 'Kitten in the House' it said on the nameplate by the door. A piece of paper with 'holidays greetings' was taped t the door, right under the closed sign.   
  
Just when I wondered about what to do next, Omi's body seemed to shimmer before he went right through the door. I shrugged and decided to follow his example. To my utter surprise, I actually reappeared on the other side of the door.   
  
Walking past the endless rows of flowers, their heavy scents greeted me and everything felt awfully familiar. To my surprise I could name almost every flower I saw. I lingered when a pot of blooming cattleyas caught my attention.   
  
Though I liked the roses for their sweet scents, their variety of colors and associated meanings, I must say that orchids were more my favourite. Especially the cattleyas. The beauty of the small purple-white flowers touched me in a way I couldn't really describe. Maybe it was the seemingly fragility of the flower. To break the stem would mean the end of the entire row of flowers. But it is not so easy to break it, is it? Just like somebody else I knew.  
  
Just like somebody else I knew? Perhaps this whole trip with Omi will finally give me some answers about my past. I sure as hell hope so. Thinking up sentences that surprised yourself, was really getting old.  
  
My hand had moved on its own accord to touch the soft violet-white flower petal. Just when I reached the petal, my fingers met empty air and slipped through. When I pulled back my hand, I realized that the petal was still intact.  
  
"By the way, I forgot to mention. You can't touch anything."   
  
I looked to the right to find Omi smiling at me. I frowned. At this rate I was going to have wrinkles between my eyes in no time.   
  
"You couldn't tell me that earlier?"  
  
He shrugged. "Sorry, I forgot. You can't touch or change anything, because we're in the past now. We're basically just not really here." That did make sense.   
  
He resumed our journey to the back of the shop and I followed.   
  
Behind the door was a little workshop. Ribbons covered the worktable and part of the ground. Two pairs of scissors were still lying on the top, along with translucent tapes and other things needed for decoration. I could almost see two delicate and pale hands working neatly and swiftly on numerous flower arrangements.   
  
  
  
Voices and the sound of shattered glass announced the presence of people in the room beyond. Ignoring the staircase that would lead one to a floor above and the basement below, I turned the corner to step into what appeared to be a living room. Sitting on the floor, next to a box of Christmas decorations, was my young irresponsible guide. Oh wait, it's another Omi. The young fellow on the floor was in a different outfit, a very similar but nonetheless different outfit. A guy in plain t-shirt and jeans stood next to him. He had chocolate brown hair and hazel brown eyes and he was hovering above a broken Christmas ball.   
  
"Mou….that's the second one already. At this rate we really need to buy more to decorate the tree." And there was the familiar pout Omi presented to the other guy. However, the huge grin that followed betrayed any serious tone he might have put into it.   
  
"I don't think that will be happening any time soon, Omi. You bought way too many Christmas balls and other things. I don't think there's enough space on the tree to hang even a third of these." The brunette commented, making a wave towards the numerous boxes to emphasize his point.   
  
"They were on sale and…" The young blond dignified himself.   
  
"And if there are any leftovers, we can always donate them." A voice behind me completed the sentence. I turned and gaped into my own face. 


	5. Places to go and people to see

Author: *waves and huggles* Hey Princess, long time no see. XDDD ;_; You're never on aim ^^ Your german is good!   
  
Note 1: Between the ****** signs are the past Yohji talking.   
  
Note 2: To those of you who are reading Das Schicksal, that fic is sort of on a semi-permanent hiatus now. Both the muse and the person I wrote the fic for has left me. I don't know, maybe the muse will return one day and I'll finish the fic.   
  
.   
  
A Christmas Wish  
  
-Chapter 5: Places to go and people to see-  
  
To avoid an awkward collision with myself, I quickly stepped aside and spotted Omi, my guide.   
  
"What am I suppose to do?" I asked.   
  
"Watch." He simply answered.   
  
Something told me that by the time those two were finished, more Christmas balls will be the tragic victims of the brunette's clumsiness. Oh well. It's not like I was going anywhere. Might just as well watch and so I did.  
  
*****************************  
  
"And if there are any leftovers, we can always donate them."   
  
Omi frowned at me and pouted, while Ken laughed his ass out. I was also laughing, because that was the exact thing Omi had in mind. Ah, our little Omittchi. His giving and caring natures always seem to be several notches higher during the holidays. If you consider the fact that he's pretty giving and caring usually, at Christmas time he is unstoppable. This year he decided to visit the orphanage on Christmas day and bring along scary amounts of gifts for the orphans. Somehow Omi also convinced Ken to put on a Santa outfit and tag along. The little blond probably didn't have to do alot to convince the other, since they're really both people who loved kids.   
  
"You might not want to give him any ideas, Youji. He's going to insist you stop by the orphanage later on and drop off the left-over decorations." Our resident soccer fanatic had finally caught his breath.   
  
I shrugged and grinned. "Nah, I got places to go and people to meet today. So if he's going to ask, it's gonna be you, Kenken."   
  
"Ah crap." Ken suddenly realized his big mistake. "Hey, don't go! Stay and help us out here."  
  
"Well, it seems that you've got everything under control here. Besides you can always ask Aya." I suggested.  
  
"I don't want to end up in the emergency room tonight." Ken retorted.   
  
"Ken-kun! Don't talk about Aya-kun like that." Omi protested, defending the honors of our current missing member.  
  
"Sorry, Omi." Was the half-hearted apology.   
  
"Speaking of Aya, where is he?"   
  
Omi shrugged. "I heard him go out a few hours ago." And the mystery of Aya continues. Almost a year living with the guy and still, we had no idea where he disappears off to most of the time. If you ask him about it, the most thing you'll get is a "hn.". Or he would be so vague that you still got no idea what he did. I used to think he would run off and have secret meetings with some hot chick, get some mind-blowing sex and then return like nothing happened. Oh wait, that's me.   
  
"Youji-kun, be sure you come back before six. We're having a Christmas Eve diner together." Omi said, the hidden plea very visible in his voice.   
  
I walked over and ruffled his hair. "Sure, Omittchi. I won't miss it for the world. Unfortunately, I'll have to disappoint all the lovely ladies who wanted a romantic Christmas, but for you anytime." I winked at him and Omi presented me with one of his brilliant smiles.   
  
"Later!" I left to the sound of Ken insisting that the tree had plenty of space.   
  
*******************************  
  
Curious in what the particular plans of my past self were, I decided to follow him. Visiting an underground organization of spies and complete a last assignment for the end of the year. Or like he said, paying personal visits to ladies, have amazing sex with them in order to apologize for his lack of presence in the evening. I wouldn't be amazed if any of these things happened, because after all, I apparently made the drastic career change of dangerous policeman or maybe a PI to a florist.   
  
I was very much surprised when he walked into a small jewelry shop. 


	6. A secret mission

Author: Edited the last chap. Hopefully it's more clear who says who now. I wrote this chapter while I listened to hide's Dice. It is a great upbeat song. Yes, I know, it's taken me years to stumble upon this song. But you know what they say, better late than never.  
  
Thanks to Sky Rat for the review. ^^;; Sorry I had to leave the cliffhanger this long. I seriously contemplated on putitng the fic on hold, until I heard hide's song.   
  
Enjoy!   
  
  
  
A Christmas Wish  
  
-Chapter 6: A secret mission-  
  
A small bell above the door rang shortly to announce my arrival. Walking into the small shop, the faint sense of metal and old wood greeted me. I was glad to be out of the cold December wind. The weather forecast predicted the arrival of snow sometime soon. Maybe we will have a white Christmas this year.   
  
I discovered this shop just two months ago. After nonchalantly asking the group of fangirls who frequently visited the flowershop, this was apparently the place to get customized jewelry. For a prize the jewelry shop was prepared to make anything from just a design.   
  
The small middle-aged shop owner appeared from behind a curtain. He smiled when he recognized me. I wondered if he was hearing the sound of money and coins right now. My order had not been cheap. But then, I did want the best.   
  
I smiled back.  
  
"Ah, good afternoon Kudoh-san. We have been expecting you. " His voice still sounded young and pleasant. It was the sort of voice that wanted to convince you to max out your credit card, for something you absolutely didn't need.   
  
" Good afternoon to you too. I take it that my order is ready then." Yes, I too, have mastered the skill of seemingly smiling forever.   
  
He nodded twice and opened one of the top drawers behind the counter of displays.   
  
A moment later, I was looking at the exact thing I had pictured in my mind just a week ago.   
  
Two small earrings glinted in the sunlight. The craftsmanship was beautiful. It truly looked as if two small orchid flowers had been turned into gold.  
  
"They are perfect. " I smiled genuinely at him and pulled out my wallet. I paid him the required amount and some extra to have it wrapped in platinum paper.   
  
  
  
With my precious little package safely inside an inner pocket, I entered a coffee-shop not too far from the jewelry store. I took a table in a dark corner and ordered a cup of hazelnut coffee.   
  
From a plastic bag I retrieved the other items I needed for the task at hand. You see, it's all part of my secret mission: To take a shot at the emotionless iceberg that was one Fujimiya Aya. I knew perfectly that even with divine help, it would still be a mission impossible. But I had to try it. Had to face the impossible, the miniscule of chance that it might actually work.   
  
When had this all started? I wouldn't be able to pinpoint the exact time or location. Maybe it was just some gradual process that had started and one day it just grew big enough for my brains to actually register it. Most people would probably call me crazy. Well, actually, even I would call myself crazy. How does one get through to someone who sincerely believed that emotions were unnecessary and only liabilities. How does one get through to someone who got disappointed so many times in humanity.   
  
But I had to try. Because you know, if I didn't try, I would really hate myself forever for being such a coward. Besides, I reasoned, all the experiences I had in the past with lovers of both genders, should increase my chances for success. If I didn't succeed, nobody else on this side of hell would.   
  
Stealing a look at the watch, I knew that I still had several hours to write this letter. A simple letter addressed to Aya, in which I would simply explain my emotions, my sincerity and maybe a sign on his account. My plan was to put this letter and my gift in Aya's room and just wait and see. From my past observations, Aya didn't respond well to things when pressed. But given time, he was very capable of dropping small hints of what he really wanted. He was also very insistent when he really desired something. Though the word 'desire' is in no way part of his vocabulary. Aya, our fierce leader, would do no such earthly thing as 'desire' something. But who can honestly say that the word 'desire' didn't come to mind when they first laid their eyes on Aya? Aya, who looks almost too beautiful to be real. Aya, who seemed oh so perfect.  
  
  
  
I looked at the blank piece of paper and sighed. I really shouldn't have saved this part of my plan until the last moment. At this rate, it was going to end up like one of those cheesy highschool fanletters we receive on regular basis.   
  
But the letter was an essential part of the plan. It just also happened to be the part of the plan I really hated to do. Picking gifts always came naturally to me, but to write a letter that would say just the right things and none of the wrong things was too tricky and mind-numbing.   
  
After two refills, I just threw all caution in the wind and started writing. Surprisingly, the words started to flow...almost effortlessly. 


	7. Fate's a bitch

Author:Ah, has it already been that long since I update?! . Shame on me! Sorry, I've been stuck on chapter 8, but since that one is flowing nicely, I've decided to post this one.   
  
First of all, I would like to express my gratitude to all my reviewers, who're showing me that somebody do care about the crap I write! -  
  
Omakase: glomps Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! XD That's so sweet of you. You have a great writing style yourself! You should write more YA fic! There will never be enough of those. Ken and Aya Ghosts will be making their appearance soon. I suspect that they will haunt us relatively short, compared to Omi that is. Ah well. We'll see.   
  
Queen of Shadows: XD Will the writer ever stop being lazy and post more chapters? Indeed, many questions still remain.  
  
Gale: You're absolutely right. Christmas is celebrated outrageously in Europe as well. The reason I've described it as american, is because in the asian mind anything western almost automatically becomes american. America sorta symbolizes anything western. Did that make any sense?  
  
mangababe: Yay! You finally see why those two belong together! Kudos to you. XD In their own way those two are both just too beautiful/handsome/sexy to be real.   
  
Manx: Thanks for reviewing my short poem-ish stories. The reason Boys Don't Cry worked out that way, is probably because I was feeling pretty down myself at the moment and thus unleashed my wrath on Aya. ;; The poem is indeed a little dark for a boy....unless Aya had his angsty streak from childhood. I don't know. Personally, I remember being pretty angsty already when I was a kid.   
  
Foxie: Thanks for the review for Boys Don't Cry!  
  
Now on with the fic, before my comments really do end up longer than the chapter itself! Enjoy!  
  
A Christmas Wish  
  
-Chapter 7: Fate's a bitch-  
  
I only had enough time to see the first sentence of the letter, before the world seemed to once again speed forward in a giant blur and I found myself in a bedroom. The first word that popped into my head was the word black. Simple black furniture decorated all corners of the royally spaced room. It looked uninhabited, except for the rows of books on the planks above the desk. It's simplicity and the choice of colors made me conclude that the room belonged to a guy.   
  
When the surprise about my new location wore off, I practically growled in frustration.   
  
"Damn it." I really wanted to know what Yotan, as I've dubbed my former self, wrote in the coffeeshop.   
  
I turned to Omi for an answer.   
  
"What else did he write in that letter? And why couldn't you wait until I've read the whole thing?" I said with a clear tone of annoyance in my voice.   
  
Omi shrugged. "I thought it was obvious what he was going to write."   
  
"Not to me, it wasn't!" I only knew that the letter was addressed to a certain Aya, some innocent girl or the person Yotan mentioned in his previous conversation with Omi and Ken.   
  
"Maa. Be a little patient, Youji-kun. All will be revealed in time."  
  
Just when I was about to say more, Yotan walked into the bedroom. He stood there for a minute, emerald greens roaming and searching. Finally, his eyes settled on the small black bedside table. He retrieved the envelope and the small platinum package he had purchased previously. Both items were then placed on the small table. Giving one last look to ensure the visibility of his gift, he left the room with a satisfied smile and a glint in his eyes.   
  
Wait a minute. I know that glint. It's the light my eyes used to gain with Asuka, the light that shone ever so brightly when I saw her, when I touched and held her in my arms. It's the light that accompanied the small fire inside my heart, whenever…whenever I'm in love.   
  
That's certainly interesting. I'm in love with Aya. And the gift really was meant for this mysterious guy with a girly name. It's not too much of a surprise, I suppose. I have always appreciated the beauty of both genders. During the brief time of my marriage, I had stayed faithful to Asuka. When we both agreed no amount of effort should be wasted in our rapidly failing relationship, I had found myself in clubs I didn't remember knowing. I had danced, flirted and eventually brought women and an occasional man to my bed. Where my mind forgot, my body had remembered the familiar touches with a man.   
  
Aya. No faces or glimpses magically appeared when I thought about this name. The room spoke of a neat and precise man, but nothing more. No, wait. That's not true. Aya must also be an attractive man. I hate to admit this, but I am vain when it comes to lovers. I am drawn to beauty like moths to a flame. I don't demand my lovers to be picture perfect. However, they do need to possess a certain beauty or some other force of attraction to gain my attention.  
  
So…How will Aya react? Does he feel the same for me? Will he become my lover?   
  
A gust of wind blew past me and interrupted my little musings. The window had been left open.   
  
If I had any previous doubts about fate being a real bitch, especially to me, they're gone now. As the drapes moved with the wind, it just seemed to grow stronger and stronger. And finally, a particularly strong gust of wind blew my letter off the bedside table to disappear under the bed. My jaw practically unhinged from the astonishment.  
  
When I finally regained from the shock, I stared at Omi.  
  
"You have got to be kidding me here! He is going to find the letter, right?"  
  
There was a very sad feeling on his young face. His baby blues regarded me with deep sympathy and sorrow.  
  
"I'm sorry, Youji-kun."   
  
I looked again at the darkness where the letter must be and reached out. It didn't come as a complete surprise when I couldn't touch the letter no matter how hard I tried.  
  
I sat on the ground dumbfounded. Moments passed in silence, before a bitter laugh escaped my throat. Why should I be surprised? I wouldn't have luck with me, even if hell freezes over. Wandering aimless around town with absolutely no idea who I am for the past year, should have already testified to that.  
  
A hand gently gripped my shoulder. I turned around to see that Omi had crouched down beside me.  
  
"He will find it, Youji-kun." The almost blinding feeling of rage filled me.  
  
"When, Omi? When I'm old and gray? What sort of good will that do me then? What sort of guide are you, if you can't do a damn thing to change all this?!"  
  
He flinched and I regretted lashing out all my anger and frustration at him.   
  
"Omi, I...."  
  
He interrupted. "In a few years, he will find it." He said the last with determination and promise in his voice.And yet, the knowledge had failed to be comforting. But it was all I had, wasn't it? No matter how hard I yelled or cried, this was it. In the meantime, I could only hope that my younger self would express his feelings in some other way...before it's too late. 


	8. Arms of comfort

Author: Sorry for the long wait! bows deeply to apologize

Aya was being a drama queen and refusing to cooperate on this last scene. But the good news is, this is the longest chapter so far! And we will be saying goodbye to one short blond ghost. ¬.¬ It also seems that the text upload system hates me, so I had to upload this chapter using word. -.-;;

Many thanks to my reviewers! I love ya'll!

Mastermind: Lol. The black indeed! And yeah, Omi is quite the haunter, when he chooses to be.

mangababy: XD They do belong together! But I also like to torment the two bishies a little. It helps their love grow, eh?

tabrisangel: I can't promise anything, but I'll try my best to give them a happy ending. yanks on the chained muses If they behave, that is.

ThirteenBlackRoses: XD THanks for all your encouraging reviews. I really appreciate them!

The only thing I can say is: All will be revealed in time! v

A Christmas Wish

-Chapter 8: Arms of comfort-

The western restaurant down the street had a Christmas delivery service. Since none of us was much of a fancy cook and we could certainly afford the special prices, we ordered the most extensive diner package they had. The owner, a very friendly middle-aged lady, even knocked off ten percent of the price because we were the 'nice young men down the street who must earn so little with the flowershop'. If only she knew.

Aside from the very decent sums of money we got for slaying the beasts of the dark, we really had a lot of customers. When Persia someday would actually decide to retire Weiss and we lived through the retirement, we could turn the flowershop into a very decent business. But who was I kidding here? The only pension plans Kritiker got was a bullet through the head...if you're lucky.

Enough of the doom and gloom though. Tonight was one of those holiday nights when anything seemed possible and everything seemed right. The food tasted great and the two bottles of complimentary champagne tasted even better.

Surprisingly, Aya and of course myself turned out to be the veteran drinkers of our group. I always thought of Ken as a decent drinker, judging from the endless cans of beer he could consume while he watched those soccer games. It turned out that his tolerance level was disappointingly low, higher than Omi, but Omi only drank soda most of the time. So, while Ken and Omi were competing in the game of who's more drunk, Aya and myself were having a small drinking competition.

One bottle of champagne and two bottles of sake later, the winner was obviously going to be me. Aya was having trouble keeping up and I knew my victory was near. Aya had not had the pleasure of enjoying the special daily alcohol training that I had or he probably would have won. His usual pale skin had now acquired an almost feverish red tint and his usually sharp amethyst eyes were out of focus. Aya's articulate speech was also turning into one big slur. I seriously wished I had a camcorder to capture all of this and reminiscence later on. Omi had purchased a disposable camera for the occasion, but photo's always lacked a certain vividness. Maybe I'll get a camcorder for next year.

There were some times when you could get small glimpses into the character of another Fujimiya Aya. This one was gentler, kinder, a little shy, glared less and smiled a lot more. Tonight this other side shone through. Throughout the diner he had seemed more relaxed, almost sociable. I didn't know whether it was just the alcohol or maybe also the mood of the night, but I liked this Aya and I wanted to see more of this Aya. He actually laughed at one of Ken's stupid jokes.

Omi was particular pleased that we all remembered to celebrate this Christmas with real gifts, unlike last year when there were only the three of us. Books, men's colognes, computer-related games and other things were exchanged. I had given Aya a book called 'Hidden secrets in your room'. There had been a slight confused frown on his face when he read the hint I wrote on the first page. 'To Aya, who should study the title'.

I was hoping that his lack of reaction was because he didn't find my gift yet and not that he chose to ignore me, like I requested. Aya being Aya though, was harder to guess than the weather. Either option seemed likely. It would be useless to twiddle my thumbs or ask him too bluntly about it. The only thing I could do was wait, however much I might hate it.

When Aya busied himself opening another bottle of sake, I decided that a visit to the bathroom was necessary.

My coordination skills were definitely not at their best when I banged my head against the wall on my way back. Though the pain did manage to clear my head a little. I suddenly realized that this was the perfect timing to test the waters. Wasn't there an old saying that a drunk man always told the truth? Let's face it. I am not the patient type. Besides, Aya was definitely drunk and the chances of him remembering anything I said tonight were slim. I could just ask about his feelings. On the off chance that he would wake up knowing, I could always pretend that the whole thing was just his elaborate alcohol induced imagination. When I headed back, I walked with a clear purpose.

Ken and Omi were both passed out on the couch. I spread a blanket over the two and Omi snuggled deeper into the blanket, while Ken just snored some more in his sleep. I grinned at the amusing sight and felt obliged to capture this moment, using Omi's camera. It would be great material to tease the two later.

Aya was nowhere to be seen. The noises coming from the roof gave me the clue of his whereabouts. Five minutes later found me sitting down beside Aya, who was lying flat on his back with his beautiful eyes closed. He hadn't bothered to put on a jacket and neither did I. The alcohol in our blood kept us warm.

Minutes passed in silence. The irregularity of his breathing was the only sign that he wasn't asleep. The night was full of clear sky and twinkling stars. Moonlight shone on the alabaster whiteness of his skin and he was breathtaking. Aya was one of those rare people who could look beautiful under any light and any circumstances. Even when he was covered in blood, he was lovely. To his victims, he must have seemed like some dark angel of revenge come to life. If I could choose my death, I wanted Aya to be the last thing I saw before I die.

I was contemplating how to start my conversion with him about the gift when he suddenly interrupted me. "Youji." The voice with the underlying tone of seduction.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Do you like Christmas?" Came the soft inquiry.

Being completely caught off-guard by this question, I had to seriously think about the question. Did I like Christmas? When I still lived with my mother and her boyfriend of the week, we had celebrated Christmas. I remembered Christmas as one of the few occasions she would actually cook a real meal. When I moved in with Asuka, we didn't really celebrate Christmas. Asuka was brought up with in a proud traditional Japanese family and had hated Christmas. I hadn't minded.

"It's okay." I decided to answer.

Dark eyelashes trembled a moment before they opened. A small frown appeared when he sat up and looked at me. Then he turned away and started to gaze at the sky.

"Aya liked Christmas."

I blinked. Aya? He liked Christmas?

I started to doubt my own hearing, so I asked. "You liked Christmas?"

He turned to me with a look of annoyance. "Not me. Aya! My little sister."

Aya had a little sister? Mysterious Aya had a sister, whose name is Aya. So Aya really wasn't Aya's real name. Aya's normal logic could sometimes be what one would call, hard to follow. Aya's drunken logic seemed to be mind-boggling and my alcohol-induced mind protested working. I could feel the beginnings of a headache.

"So you have a younger sister, Aya...who liked Christmas?" I tried again.

"That's what I just said."

"Where's she now?" My curiosity peeking through. How interesting.

A long moment of silence followed then. Maybe he didn't hear my question. "Aya?"

"She's in a coma." He whispered. I encouraged him to continue.

"We've always celebrated Christmas. When we were little, father would allow us to open one gift on Christmas night and the other ones the following morning. So on Christmas day, Aya would always be the first one up early in the morning and waking the rest of us. Tomorrow is Christmas day..." And there would be no little Aya waking him up, I silently finished.

Sometime during the storytelling, Aya had started crying. Two small watery lines traced down his cheeks, barely visible in the dim moonlight.

I felt at a loss for words. Should I comfort him and tell him everything was okay? Should I tell him to get a hold of himself? The proud and collected Aya was crying under the influence of alcohol. Because... that had to be the reason, right? Though I knew that a hidden sensitive side of our redhaired leader existed, it was hard to imagine him crying under normal circumstances.

I put my hand on his shoulder and pulled him towards me. His body resisted just barely, before it relaxed and I was holding him in my arms. The crying that had been silent, started to gain sound. And soon the crying had turned into sobbing. It was as if Aya was crying out all the pains and the injustice of his life in my arms. And the thing was, I was glad...glad I could comfort him.

It felt familiar, watching the two men hold each other. Rain had started to fall, as if sky itself was crying with Aya. I didn't realize the rain until the two men's clothes were slowly soaked through with the water. Apparently, not being able to touch anything also meant that nothing could touch you. I guess I should be grateful for this small thing. Not that it really mattered. Nothing mattered at this moment, except the comfort that was given and received in front of me.

I still didn't remember having done all of this. But seeing the love in Yotan's eyes, I almost found myself feeling the same for this graceful and beautiful creature.

"It's time." Omi's voice sounded from behind me.

A mist had started from the middle of nowhere. When the mist stole my vision, I whispered a secret wish.

"Please love me back."

We were back again. Back in the crappy one-room apartment as if we never left. The sailor's clock on the wall said twelve. And the only thing that looked it didn't belong here, was standing right in front of me with his trademark smile.

"Now that was a very educational trip, isn't it? Well, look at the time. Gotto go now. Bye Yohji-kun." And just like that, the ghost started to disappear. I rushed to grab his arm, only to meet empty air.

"Wait, you're just going to leave me here?! I still have tons of questions here."

He continued to smile at me. "Don't worry, everything will work out." And I was left on my own.


	9. And the fun continues

Author: First of all, a huge thank you goes out to all the people who took the time to review my story! I apologize for keeping you guys waiting, but really, this time, it wasn't my fault! . Through an unfortunate twist of fate, my pc crashed and took along six years of info, along with the notes for this fic and the finished chapter 9. So it took me two months to gather the courage to sit down and rewrite the chapter again.  
  
Koneko: .;; I almost forgot the story is also posted there. Indeed, you will find the new chapters here a lot sooner!  
  
darth: I will keep writing! XD  
  
Manx16: . Thank you for taking the time to review all my weiss ficcies! I guess this chapter will answer most of your questions. I like happy endings myself and I can't say it for certain(who knows what other things fate got planned for the muses), but it does seem headed that way.  
  
mangababy: XD Merci for all the praise! Omi never lies! Well....not too often anyway. So I guess it could be a promise. .  
  
Omakase Shimasu: Ah, it's okay. patpat I understand. animes to watch. nodnod Hey, did you go to the animecon in Enschede?  
  
kat: Yes, updating now! How's that? XD  
  
SPARKLING EYES: nodnod I will try! ;; But with Nano around the corner, I fear that it's going to take a while longer.  
  
ABC Angel: Thanks for the recommendation!  
  
And now....the chapter itself!  
  
P.S.: If the chapter looks shorter than the author notes, it's NOT TRUE! It's an illusion! XDDDD  
  
A Christmas Wish -Chapter 9: And the fun continues-  
  
Still trying to grasp what the heck just happened, whether it was actually true or just a very vivid dream, I decided to pump myself full of caffeine and hoped it would clear my mind. I was preparing the fresh vanilla coffeebeans when I shuddered from a familiar cold wind behind me.  
  
"Good, you're back! What did you mean with everything…" And I stopped midsentence when I turned to find the second stranger of the night. Smiling almost as brightly as Omi, a familiar-looking young man with chocolate brown hair and the deepest brown eyes stood before me. He was wearing casual jeans with a blue T-shirt. His smile turned into an angry frown, when I just gaped at him.  
  
"Gee, close your mouth before some unfortunate fly lands in there! He didn't tell you I was coming?! Dammit! This is at least the one millionth time he's done this to me. Anyways. Hi Youji! I am The Ghost of Christmas Present. By the way, you can also expect another visit tonight." The apparition continued to talk merrily while I closed my mouth and forced my brains to get back in order.  
  
"And you are…?" I finally uttered.  
  
"The Ghost of Christmas Present! I told you." The ghost said indignantly.  
  
"I meant how should I call you?"  
  
"How should you..." He blinked a little in confusion, before his cell phone started ringing the melody of 'Silent Night'. Out came one of those hyper-modern camera included mobile phone, seen quite often nowadays in the hands of Japan's youth. "Sorry, gotto take the phone. Be right back." And he walked right through the front door for some privacy. Unfortunately, his voice was loud enough to carry his end of conversation over the soundproof door.  
  
"Hello? Yes, it's me… You forgot to tell him!… I know, I know…But you still should have... Okay…Fine.....Bye." The ghost hang up and came back through the door again.  
  
"Okay, I'll do what Past did. You can call me Ken, after the young man whose form I'm currently using." That's when I suddenly realized why he looked so familiar. It was the same young man I saw earlier today, or quite some time ago, at the Christmas tree with Omi.  
  
"You know the drill, right?" He pulled out a white sack and scooped out a handful of brown sand.  
  
I nodded.  
  
This time I was prepared. But that didn't mean I coughed any less.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The first thing I noticed was the light. From all corners of the room and several chandeliers in the middle of the ceiling shone a brilliant myriad of colors. The walls were tall and decorated with beautiful carved marble. There were also those western windows with wide windowsills and red velvet curtains. Soft classical music helped create the atmosphere of some eighteenth century ballroom, the illusion completed by the costumes worn by all the guests. If it weren't for the fact that most of the conversations were carried in Japanese, I would have never guessed that I was still in Japan. Wigs and masks worked brilliantly to mask the identities of their wearers. I was standing in the middle of a masquerade.  
  
When I searched for my guide, Ken was nowhere to be found. I had this sinking suspicion that this ghost was just as elusive as his predecessor. I was still pondering my options, walking aimlessly until Ken popped out or going outside and keep walking, when a flash of bloodred caught my attention and my heart seemed to stop. 


	10. Angel of Death

Authors notes: If the formats of the chapters are a little funky, please blame it on the cheer weirdness that is the ffnet's fic upload system, it has a tendency to morph formats.

A big thank you go out to:

Schuldich Sunde: XD hands you a box of tissues I'm glad to be back!

kat: The next chapter will be soon! I think. ;;

mistymixwolf: O.o! Dun die! revives you with the new chapter!

Omakase Shimasu: ;; Really? The animecon was real fun! Sorry you couldn't go. Maybe next time? . Yeah, life can suck big time. x.x Especially when you live in Holland, apparently. The Ghost of Future will be appearing soon! Really soon! I think in another chapter or two.

The motivator for this fic has been the alarmingly low amount of AxY fics lately. . Darn it! No offence! But if I see one more AxK fic, I'm gonna explode.

A Christmas Wish

-Chapter 10: Angel of Death-

Walking through a crowd of people who can't see you and who will pass straight through you, sounded a lot easier than it actually was. Sure, I could march straight on...but it still felt awkward. So I tried to avoid that as much as possible. Unfortunately, that also slowed me down considerably. By the time I reached the place where I saw the red hair, the owner had disappeared back into the crowd. Just my luck.

"Boo!"

I startled and whirled around to discover my guide.

"Ken!" I growled. Frustration usually didn't make me a happy man.

"Woa, buddy. Relax! What happened?" He inquired cheerfully.

I groaned, wondering when Heaven will finally smile upon me and I, just for once, get a guide who could gui...

Then I suddenly remembered. "You're the Ghost of Present!"

"Yeah? I thought we already established that." He frowned.

I grabbed him impatiently by the collar of his shirt. "Where is Aya?"

Ken tried to pry my fingers away, but it just forced me to tighten my hold.

"Where is he?" I repeated.

He sighed when he realized that I wasn't going to let him go until I had my answer.

"I'll tell you...but I need to warn you first."

A little surprised at his answer, I released him abruptly.

"It's probably going to be very bloody and a little messy."

Concerned that Aya would be hurt, I asked :"Is he going to be al right?"

Ken raised his eyebrows. "Why would you care about....oh wait." He rolled his eyes. "Aya's going to be fine. He's a pro. I'm sure he's probably not even getting a drop of blood on him."

I sighed in relief. "Then what were you talking about?" "If you follow him, you're going to see him kill somebody." He explained, with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"But why would he..."I couldn't say it. It seemed horrible. Aya, who cried in my arms on the rooftop. Aya, who looked so beautiful when he smiled. Aya...killing someone, taking life. Life, one of the most precious things one could loose, because its only given once. The possibility seemed surreal, but...somewhere, deep inside of me, something told me it was true. And that same something told me that it wouldn't be the first time it happened. 

"Is it a man?" I hoped silently that it was a man. I always hated to see a woman hurt. So, a man, would make the terrible deed less horrible, maybe even less real.

Ken saw the inner turmoil on my face and patted my shoulder sympathetically.

"It's really not that bad. The guy has done more than his share to deserve a seat on death row. The cops just weren't able to hold unto enough evidences or witnesses involving him. Aya is actually doing a favor for justice."

In the name of justice? Does it make it okay to kill someone, when they're the bad guys?

Maybe. I don't know. I guess there is only one way to find out. A co-worker once told me that curiosity never pays off. I had strongly argued that life would be meaningless if you weren't curious. He had simply replied that ignorance could be a bless. 

"I want to see."

And I added silently, I just hope I won't regret it.

And just like that, we were chasing after Aya. Down corridors and stairs, we walked, ran or maybe even flew. I don't remember. It was all a blur. I didn't remember how we caught up with him, but there he was. Just from a look behind, you could already see the perfect build of his body. Not muscular, not thin, not feminine. And yet at the same time, just the right amount of all those qualities. If a Greek statue was brought to life, it would look like him. No, less perfect than Aya. . The white tuxedo, lined with different shades of purple and blue, suited him like a second skin. I had sped up my pace to see the front of him and I was a little disappointed. Aya was wearing one of those Zorro-masks, brown contact lenses and had done something to darken his skin. I didn't know how I knew it, but I knew that no sun had ever managed to tan him, so something artificial must have been used. He still looked handsome, but it was almost an ordinary sort of handsome. His hair was still eyecatching as always, but the rare color of his eyes and his skin was what made him seem unreal. Without these characteristics of him visible, he could blend in easily with the crowd. I guess, that must be handy if you want to kill someone and leave, without attracting too much attention. I just wish I could see him without his disguise in this tux. The perfect Angel of Death, with thin treads of violet that make his eyes stand out even more than usual, add to it the echoing whiteness of his complexion...

Ken nudged an elbow at my ribs and effectively brought me out of Lusting-Ayaland. He pointed at the man walking just a few steps in front of us.

Aya's target was a giant man in a bulging tuxedo. He had come to a stop before two heavily decorated wooden doors. Inserting a golden key, the doors opened without much noise. The man, who must be the host of the event, took off his mask to take a seat behind his black desk. He was in the middle of searching through some drawers, when Aya entered the room shortly after him. I wondered what he thought when he saw the exquisitely dressed young man. Some inexperienced and ambitious young man, who wanted to ask his kind and elder colleague some business tips? Or maybe, something else that involved power and lust?Nothing good, most likely. He had raised one thickly bushed brow in amusement and moistened his lips.

"What can I do for you, young man?" The old pervert asked.

"Die." Aya replied coldly. 

And the man only managed to utter a single 'what...?' before he was lying in a pool of his own blood with his throat slit. Frozen forever on his face, was a look of utter shock.

The katana that had appeared mysteriously out of nowhere, vanished just as suddenly. Without sparing another glance at the body, Aya calmly walked away and closed the door. I looked back at the dead man on the floor and felt strangely nothing. I wasn't horrified. I wasn't scared. I simply felt blank, and a faint shimmer of relief.  
Okay, I admit it. Reviews are gooood! They are great motivators! So...please review? XD The more reviews I get, the more inspired I will feel to stop procrastinating! I am really trying to finish this fic before X-mas! Honestly! 


	11. Something to hold onto

Authors notes: I know I said something about finishing the fic before X-mas and I have! Sorta. anime sweatdrops With some luck, I will post it before new year. Next chapter will be the final chapter and a short epilogue. Will be posting those two together. Anyway. Merry X-mas, everyone! XD Maybe you will also receive a visit from your Ghosts. In this chapter, for the first time and the last time in this fic, Aya will be telling part of the story from his POV. I hope you all enjoy!

And as always, a huge thank you to all my readers:

Hakudoshi-chan: Thank you so much for the thousand and one review you left! XD It boosted my review total and the confidence in my story. Aya/Ran has made his appearance in this chapter.

mangababy: I'm so glad you're still reading! The Ghost of Future will be making his appearance next chapter. . It will be X-mas evening today! XD I love X-mas!

mistymixwolf: Yay! cheers too x.O;;; Noooo! Dun die!!! revives you with another chapter

Omakase Shimasu: You are special, Omakase-chan! It was your review that got me off my lazy butt and finish the chapter. I luv monster reviews!! heartheart Vrolijke kerstdagen en gelukkig nieuwjaar! Did you eat tons of 'oliebollen'?? XD

natasha: XD The muses have been kind to me, so I will keep them coming!

Vampire Louis: patpat gives you a hanky The chapters are short, because eh...I can't seem to make them longer. ;; I have contemplated putting two chapters in one, but then I decided against it, because it would simply take twice as long to put out a chapter. ;; I'm sorry for the confusion. Just to warn you, this chapter will be Youji's POV, Aya's POV and then back to Youji's POV.

hannya-doll: watches how muses scurry to shove both Youji and Aya under the mistletoe . XDDDD I do hope the muses will succeed.

shadoewhunter: Thanks! XD The fic is almost done! We're almost at the finish line!

A Christmas Wish

-Chapter 11: Something to hold onto-

If spiritual forms could be in a state of shock, I was in one. Minutes or maybe hours have passed and I still felt nothing about the death of the mansion owner. No, that's a lie. I am starting to feel something. I....I think it's satisfaction. I was satisfied that the man could no longer do evil things. I mentally filed this piece of information away for later examination. For the time being, all of my thoughts were focused on Aya. I could hear nothing, see nothing and sense nothing beside him. The way he walked, the way he breathed, the way his face didn't seem to show any emotions even when he took off the mask. We had followed Aya out of the mansion and hitched a ride in his blue Mazda and had now ended up in what appeared to be his apartment. I was so preoccupied with my observations of the being Aya that I had completely forgotten the existence of my guide. Ken reminded me painfully of his existence. He tripped me when I was about to follow Aya into the shower.

"What the hell did you do that for?!" I yelled indignantly.

The brown haired ghost grinned at me sheepishly.

"Sorry, I was following the ball."

That was one lousy excuse. "What ball?!" I growled, having not observed even a glimpse of said ball myself.

He pointed at a soccer ball just a few feet away. "That ball."

"Where did that come from?"

Ken shrugged apologetically and retrieved his ball. He then proceeded to do all sort of ball- training-twirl-things that I had no name for.

"It's not really my fault, ya know? The guy who's form I'm modeling after, is crazy about soccer! When the ball appeared, I felt the irresistible urge to... do exercises with it."

I mumbled irritably and was about to resume my previous course of action, when Aya stepped out of the shower. Shit, missed my chance. It would have been very very nice to see a naked Aya. But I guess I should be satisfied with the sight of the real Aya.

The only light in the room was the glow of outdoor lights filtering through the windows, but I could see enough. He had changed into some jeans and an unbuttoned dress-shirt. The water had washed away the junk he had used on his skin and he had taken off the lenses, revealing familiar violet orbs. I was pleased to note that the years had not added any wrinkles to his perfect formed face or done anything other major. He still looked almost the exact same way as I remembered from my past.

Then it seemed that time itself read my mind and wanted to proof me wrong. For the briefest of moments, the clouds parted and the moon shone in its full brilliance. When the light beams illuminated his eyes, I realized that the years had been registered in those lovely eyes. The shining amethyst had lost some of its own glow, as if all the sadness and pain had drawn a veil over the windows of Aya's soul. I felt a sudden ache in my heart. Seeing those emotions in Aya's eyes caused such an intense pain in my own soul that I could find no words to describe. So much hurt, so much pain....so lost....so lost.

The room appeared to be equipped with the bare minimum. It would be highly overrated to call this an apartment. It was more of a hotel room. The only real furniture seemed to be the bed and a large desk. A suitcase was leaning on the wall beside the bed. Aya had opened it to reveal very neatly folded clothes. I was relieved to see that it was just a temporary place for him to crash. Let's face it, even monks would need more furniture if one was to live more permanently in this room. 

From one of the more deeper hidden sections of the suitcase, Aya had retrieved a small box. He had sat down on the only chair in the room, right by the window. When I saw the content of the box, for just a second or so, I thought I was going to cry from joy. Inside was the letter and the gift I had given him so many years ago. 

------

He loved the exquisite carvings and would have worn them, if it didn't seem so 'unAyalike'. Or was there some other reason? Ah yes, there was. It would be painful to wear them. Pain that had nothing to do with bleeding wounds, but everything to do with unreturned affection and heartache.

When he first discovered the gift on the Christmas evening so long ago, he had just put it carelessly away as yet another gift from one of the numerous fangirls, who insisted on harassing him even though he had clearly refused them more than once. It wasn't until many months later that he found the accompanying letter. He had accidentally discovered it when a roll of bandages fell from his injured hand. He had immediately recognized the handwriting, simply because there were just not that many adult Japanese men who write like seven year olds. This thought brought a brief smile to his lips.

But it had all been too late, hadn't it? The content of the heartfelt letter had kept him away from any peaceful slumbering that night. He had wanted to confront Youji the next morning. He really had. Just when he was about to knock on the door, it had cracked open to reveal the very naked forms of Youji and his latest ladyfriend. He had returned to his room, scolding himself for becoming so naive from just a letter and had practiced his kata's until he passed out.

However, for just a few hours it had all seemed to make perfect sense. The faint shimmering of hope in Youji's eyes that he had seen on the rooftop and had written off so easily as hallucination by his alcohol poisoned mind, the disappointing glances Youji kept throwing Aya's way when he thought Aya wasn't looking...

But he had just been another one of Youji Kudou's infamous flings. He must give Youji some credit though for putting up such an effort, but it had all obviously been a mistake. After all, Youji had hardly acted like someone who's love had not been answered, he had not changed at all. If anything, it had only gotten worse. The heavy drinking and one night stands had been so frequent that even Manx had approached Youji to tone it down.

Those were his reasonings and it should have been considered a closed chapter in his life.

Were it not for all the numerous times he had found himself looking at the gift and letter, usually when he was feeling desperate and lonely. Just this small sign of affection gave him incredible hope and somehow reestablished his belief that the world could still be saved and all their sacrifices had not been in vain. If such love exists, the world could perhaps one day truly be rid of all evil. If such love exists, even the damned beings could still be saved.

He had no doubt that Youji had loved him, just like he loved all his flings. Youji would go to the fires of hell to win the affection, but once he had it and had locked his eyes on the next attractive object, he would toss the old one aside carelessly. That sort of love was self-destructive. But for the brief span of those moments, someone had truly loved him. Someone had loved all of him, tempers and all. And this thought was enough to keep him going on nights that seem so endless and dark. It was something for him to hold onto. 

But he couldn't wear the earrings. It would have been cruel to Youji if he had worn it in the days of old. Even though he may not show it as open as Omi, but in his own way he too cared for his teammates. He cared for Youji and he didn't want to hurt him. He couldn't wear them now, because he couldn't risk being confronted by Chloe or Free, who will no doubt give him some cryptic insights into his own heart that he had no desire of knowing. He couldn't, dare not, risk that. Youji was and now would always be out of his reach. Youji had willed himself to forget everything and that included Aya.

The ringing of the phone startled him out of his trance-like ponderings. His hand hesitated for just a second and the answering machine picked it up. Omi's familiar voice sounded brightly through the micro speaker.

"Aya-kun? I know you've been busy now with the mission and all that. Tomorrow we're going to have a small Christmas party, nothing big really. If you have time…I would really appreciate it if you could make it. Ken-kun is also here. The party starts at 7 o'clock in the Villa White. It's going to last until all night, so you can also just stop by for a few hours. We…we would really like to see you. Bye. "

A mechanical voice announced the end of the message.

He would not be going. There was simply no point in going. To be stuck for hours and hours with a group of strangers would be pure torture. He had seen Omi, or rather Persia, when his plane landed and Ken would be going back to England with him. Aya-chan would not be there, because she was on a vacation trip in Australia. And the only other person in Japan that he wanted to see, would not be there. He would spend the night and the next few days rereading the letter for the umpteenth time, even though he had by now memorized every word. He would read until his eyes burned and then give in to sleep, only to wake up and resume his reading. ------

"Well, it's time to go now." Ken announced.

"Where to?" I asked halfheartedly, some part of me wishing I could stay and watch Aya.

"To your apartment, You-ji."

"But, what's going to happen to Aya? Would he go to the party?"

Ken looked at the reading redhead and shrugged. "He's probably not going to go. But that's none of your concern. "

"Like hell..." Before I could finish the sentence though, the world had gone completely black. 

End note: Free and Cloe are characters from the new manga. And since Aya has sort of regained his Weiss look in the manga, I haven't described him as looking the way he did in Gluhen. ponders Hmm....Maybe I should have put this thing up at the beginning of the chapters. Oh well. XDD Please keep the reviews coming! 


	12. You are all I need

Author's notes:  
The last edit of this chapter was done in the evening of dec 31st. I had written the basic outlines for this ending more than a year ago. But somehow, when I reread it a few days ago, I realized that it still needed some major changes. So I had to drag the muses back from their vacation and put them to work once again. (They were not too pleased) Thus, the delay. ;; Sorry. Due to lack of time, I highly suspect that there are still a milion grammar mistakes I missed. Happy New Year!  
As always, a big thank you for all the lovely reviews I received! XD cuddles them

Hakudoshi-chan: . Don't worry, at the end of the tunnel, there will be a light.

Omakase Shimasu: w00t! Thank you so much for the gigantic review, yet again! grins so hard my laughing muscles are starting to hurt owie. XD Thanks for pointing out its the longest chapter yet. I didn't realize it myself until you said it. Ah...words come easy when the muses are friendly. I suspect strongly it would not last though...alas. gets poked by the Youji-muse Youji-muse: . Dun get used to it. Literal payback awaits you in 2005. author sweatdrops  
Oh, and as to the other missing members...;; I failed to channel their muses. hannya-doll: XD I wonder myself what would happen at the party. It would eventful, no doubt.

shadoewhunter: Psst. And there's still more angst to come in this chap. inserts insane author laughter

A Christmas Wish

-Chapter 11: You are all I need-

Aya.

A name lingered on the edge of my tongue when I opened my eyes. The small digital clock announced 12 o'clock sharp. Was it all just a dream? Was everything that had happened just another trick of my mind. I tried to tap into that part of my mind where the past beyond the last year was supposed to be and I found...nothing. The wall was still there. The stone wall built over my memories and the rest of the things that made me the person I was, the wall that was almost visible and yet untouchable. From the depths of my being the painful combination of confusion and frustration reached out their ghostly claws and started to choke me until I felt I was about to faint. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't.

Some alcohol in my system, that's what I needed, some of the numbing liquid to drive away these horrible sensations.

Stumbling out of the bed, I had crossed the distance to my small dining table in no time. Pouring the liquid into the glass with my quivering hand proved to be somewhat of a challenge. But when I tasted the first drops of the sweet and yet bitter wine, my nerves started to calm a little. A choking sound that sounded more like crying than laughing crawled it's way out of my mouth.

I was back to where I started, wasn't I? With no idea who I was and what I had left behind. It was all a dream, wasn't it? All of it. Omi, Ken, Aya. All part of some cruel joke of fate to offer me my past and decide to tear it away right in front of me.

Aya. He couldn't have been real. Who would look like that? Hair as soft and smooth as red silk. Eyes of a color so strange, many would mistake it for fake lenses. Hidden under the strong and independent exterior was such a vulnerable and caring being, how can one not love him? No real person could be possibly like that! 

Wasn't I watching a movie called A Christmas Carol earlier last night? Yes, that must be it.

Secret assassins who work as florists during the day. How ridiculous. It's a perfect plot for one of those cheesy novels Asuka so adored. A cold wind engulfed me and I looked up to see the open window. I must've forgotten to close it right. Putting down the glass, I walked over to close the small window with a small click. Then I realized that there was something behind me. Have you ever seen one of those bad horror movies where the character would turn in extra slowmotion, just to find a guy with a battle axe standing right behind him?

Yeah, I was stupid or insane enough to turn that slowly. The good news was, I didn't see a guy with an axe or a chainsaw. The bad news was, I was greeted by the site of a guy wearing a grim reaper's costume. What was it? The Ghost of Past, Present and Future? So that meant, this was the Ghost of Future. Not a cheery guy, I assume. But that's okay. The ghost here proofed that the other ghosts had not been part of a dream. Everything really took place and most importantly, Aya really exists. It was a real shame I didn't get the chance to really gloat in my joy. A single red pouch appeared in his surprisingly not skeletal hands and brought an end to that.

Wait a second, I think I've seen the hands before...

Of course I had no time to finish that thought, because I found myself choking in sand once again. 

----

This time I was pulled into a rather unpleasant surrounding. The awful smell of vomit and trash assaulted my senses and for just a second, I highly suspected that I would get to re-examine my diner content. Then I reminded myself forcibly that I wasn't really there and the feeling gradually went away. The fascinating scene before me also helped to distract me.  
In a dark alley, a drunkard was drinking. He was filthy and covered with his own vomit. His wavy blond hair was knotted and it's obviously been a long time since he shaved. Dreamy looking greens peered underneath the overly long bangs into the distance. The rags around his body seemed to have been a business suit in its glory days. Who was this guy? A bankrupt foreign investor who had no money left for a plane ticket home? Have I seen him before? He looked familiar... 

I suddenly became aware of a constant murmuring and slurring, emerging surprisingly from him. When I strained my hearings, I could distinguish only one verb repeated in an almost mantra like manner, 'Aya'.

An awful realization dawned on me. I wanted to deny it, but all the signs pointed to the same inescapable direction. It was my own voice I was hearing. And this bundle of living garbage was me. 

I looked surprised at the Ghost of Future, doped Grim Reaper by me, who remained as silent as the death. I wondered if he'll get the joke if I told him. Probably not.

When I looked back at the future me, I felt a little detached. So this is what awaited me in the future. A useless drunkard who roamed the streets? And it can't even be that far into the future. My future self didn't seem to have one gray hair in the tangled manes. 

Maybe I should feel horrified, but I dun think I was. If this was anyone else's future, I would probably be more outraged. But it's just me...and I realized I didn't care, as long as....as long as Aya was okay... 

Rain had started to fall. I could feel the tiny droplets of water on my skin and yet my clothes weren't getting wet. The Grim Reaper also remained untouched by the rain. In the distance lightning flashed in the sky, followed quickly by a thunder that seemed too close for comfort. 

The murmuring only continued for a short while before it slowly dimmed and then ultimately ceased. A cheap liquor bottle fell and shattered from his lifeless grip. The drunkard would be asleep in the midst of the upcoming storm. The only thought that ran through my mind was: maybe it's better if he never wakes up again. 

When I blinked the rain out of my eyes, I realized I was no longer in the alley. But the ghost did not take me to another time. The same rain and storm were the things I noticed first. We were standing on a roof. A leather clad figure stood stoically at some distance away. The broad shoulders and slim waist told me it was a man. And he wasn't moving in the cold or the rain. Only his clothes moved with the wind.

As I walked closer, I could distinguish the color of the hair. It was red, darkened by the moist weather to an almost burgundy red. It was Aya and he was talking. It couldn't be that loud, but the words carried enough for me to hear.

"Sorry Youji. I just can't do this anymore. Aya-chan has her own family now. She doesn't need me. I hope you're happy, wherever you are."

I suddenly felt this dark feeling of foreboding, I felt that I had to reach him. But the ghost had suddenly locked an iron grip on my arm and refused to let me cross those last few yards. I struggled for all my worth and still he held me almost effortlessly.

"Let me go!" I snarled at him.

The ghost just shook its head.

"Let me go!" I repeated, and I started to pull on his cloak.

I didn't remember reaching for his hood, but I must have. When the black cloth fell away I stopped struggling. It was Aya's face I was looking into.

No, this wasn't Aya. I had to remind myself that this was just the Ghost of Present borrowing Aya's face, like the other ghosts. Yes, not Aya. Not Aya, at all. Aya would never be that void of human emotions and have that look of death in his eyes.

The horrifying sound of flesh being parted by metal, startled me out of my inner dialogue. I whirled around to something that belonged in nightmares and visions of hell. Aya had run his katana through his own body. The Ghost had released me and I reached Aya....to see the closing of those heartbreaking beautiful eyes for the last time.

Sadness appeared and grew... and grew until it seemed bigger than my body, bigger than the world. I was crying, no, sobbing...one salty drop after another until it seemed to form endless streams. I was screaming 'No!' repeatedly, as if I could will it all to not be true...My hands were trying in vain to get a hold of Aya's body. But of course, I touched nothing but air. I couldn't brush the few strands of hair that had been tossed in front of his face by his fall, I couldn't touch the cheek and feel its warmth ebb slowly away, I couldn't kiss his pale lips for the last time, I couldn't do anything but cry like a small child, lost forever in the dark.

-----

If you asked me, I couldn't tell you the exact time when it happened. Maybe it was sometime before the crying had begun, maybe it was during or even after...My memories were just suddenly there.

The grief had shattered and crumpled the unbreakable wall that had guarded my memories. The joys, the pains, the triumphs, the sorrows, the guilt, the desperation, all those memories returned to their rightful places like. It was more like the turn of a switch than a process really. One moment I was still empty and the next, I remembered everything. I guess, in the end, only my love for Aya had really proven to be stronger than all the negativity that had caused the wall to form in the first place. Before the final battle I had been so preoccupied with all the bad that had happened, that I lost track of all the good. I had cursed and hated every second of the life I had, wishing for something else, anything else. So when the time came, my subconscious mind chose to leave it all behind. It was a foolish and cowardly decision. But then, how does one realize the truly important things in ones life unless it's no longer there?

This past year had once and for all proven to me that I couldn't, didn't really want to start all over. What I really wanted in the first place, wasn't to loose my memories. What I really wanted was to change the past and since that would be impossible, I took the next best thing and decided selfishly to just forget. But now I realized that I had to accept the past, because it made me who I am...and I also had to move on. No use lingering on how it should be or what should have happened. And there were things and people I couldn't leave behind. So, whatever happens in my future, whether it be darkness or light, I will find the courage to face it and embrace it. Because at the end of the day, you will be there...waiting for me.

You are all I need...

Aya... 


	13. A new day

Author's note: This is the final chapter, ladies and gentlemen. sniffles It pains me to say goodbye to all the wonderful reviewers who have encouraged me over the past year. It has ended too soon. ;; But alas, to all good things must come an end. Perhaps we will meet again when we follow Aya and Youji on another journey. I'm not quite sure what the muses have in store for me next. But whether we meet again or not (on ffnet or elsewhere), my best wishes to all of you. A big Thank You to all the people who have kept reading so far. Without you, this fic would have certainly died a quiet death without ever finishing.

(PS. I think the author's note is definitely longer than the chapter itself now;;

A Christmas Wish

-Epilogue: A new day-

He made sure everything was locked, before giving the room one last glance. On the kitchen counter was a short letter to Asuka, who may or may not understand. As the door closed, he left this peaceful life behind without a single regret.

He already knew where he would go next. The new Takatori building was just five blocks away.

When he passed the mailbox, he slipped a letter inside. With a smile on his face, he went to seek out the things truly precious to him. 

The following day a postman would find a strange letter, addressed to a certain whitehaired man in red. The content was as followed:

Dear Santa,

Thanks for the gift. It's the greatest Christmas gift ever. Thank you for returning me my memories.

Youji. 


End file.
